i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
