Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
