Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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