Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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