he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
