i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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