DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
