Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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