I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
