i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
