That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
