P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
