and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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