she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
