I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
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well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
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You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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