we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
