what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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