I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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