i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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