glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Shame - the story of my life.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
