are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i drank out of a bidet.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
