Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
