all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think my moral compass just broke
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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