good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
