Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I understand Curling. That high.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
