did you get engaged???
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She's the barista slut.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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