so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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