I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
