booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
