He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
