porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
