yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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