You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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