Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize