guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
