he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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