There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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