I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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