Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
