I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
