I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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