So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
