I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
