I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
