im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
