Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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