Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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