Define "chronic" masturbator.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
