life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
No subtext here. People are naked.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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