i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
