Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
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I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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