Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
