I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
