Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
