I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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