im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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