in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
