about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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